Courage: Are you willing to honor life by saying yes to the callings deep within your heart?
When you’re on your deathbed and your guardian angel asks you “Did you live with courage?”, do you wish you’ll say “Nope. I was afraid of disappointing my Facebook friends, my mother and the neighbor who doesn’t know my name”? Or, do you wish you’ll say “Yes, I did! I followed my heart and I did what I loved. High five, sweet angel!”
The way I see it, life is an experience. It’s meant to be experienced, with courage. When we live with courage, we move forward. When we don’t move forward, we remain stagnant and we don’t partake in the experience of life.
The word “courage” comes from “coeur” which means “heart” in French. Courage is an emotion. It is felt in the heart and it comes from the heart, as its French root implies it. Just like joy, love or grace, courage is innate to all of us.
When you start a business, you’re a courageous human being. When you fall in love, you’re a courageous human being. When you grow a business, you’re a courageous human being. When you become a parent, you’re a courageous human being. When you switch careers, you’re a courageous human being.
But courage is not something we need just for big events. We need courage in our everyday life as well. Sometimes, it takes courage to pick up the paintbrush, guitar, camera or notebook. It takes courage to say “no” to requests that don’t align with your values or desires. It takes courage to relentlessly and incessantly seek more fulfillment in your life and work. It even took courage to write about courage! Yes, I am not writing this article as an ultra courageous human being. I am writing this article as an average person who wanted to discover what it takes to live with more courage.
My parents have a story about me as a little girl. At the beach, I would get up from our blanket and I would declare, “I will do it this time!” Then, I would start running towards the water and when I got close to the water, I would continue running, but in the same spot. I would make the running bending of the knees, the way you run in a fitness class. I’d do that for several minutes, while one of my parents would stand next to me, pep-talking me into stepping in the water. I did that running show many times a day... and I still never stepped into the water.
Did I have courage? I certainly had the courage to run towards the water! But when that courage kicked in, my fear of water also kicked in. And back then, my fear of water was stronger than my courage to go in the water.
That’s the thing about courage. It has to be stronger than the doubt, the hesitation, the fear or the lack of trust that wants to pull us back. When we have more courage than we have fear, we will move forward with peace.
HOW TO LIVE WITH MORE COURAGE
If courage is a product of the heart, let’s break down living with more courage into two steps:
Step 1: Sharpen your ability to hear your heart
Step 2: Cultivate the willingness to trust and follow your heart
I will cover both steps in this article. I am breaking courage down into these two steps because it’s important to make the distinction between hearing what your heart has to say and then following that guidance. In fact, one of the reasons why we often don’t follow our heart is because we’re not sure if the guidance we felt came from our heart, our ego or was it simply a knee jerk reaction? Or neither? Or what? Say what? Confusion is confusing.
The truth is that anyone can become better at hearing their heart and distinguishing the heart’s guidance from other mind chatter. It takes practice, dedication, and consistency, but this is a skill that we all need to sharpen in order to start living with more courage.
From what I’ve seen, the heart speaks gently, lovingly and graciously. It doesn’t yell. Your heart speaks in a way that makes you feel loved. It doesn’t ask you to go against something, but rather to go towards something. The actions that it asks you to take are all about soothing you, making you feel better, and bringing you one small step closer to your deepest desire. It doesn’t ask you to take sudden huge leaps. Your heart wants you to have a pleasant journey.
For example, your heart may not ask you to marry a person you just met, but it may ask you to go on a date with that person. Or, your heart may not ask you to get dressed and hurry to the bank to apply for a big business loan, before it’s too late, darn it. It may also not ask you to invest all that money quickly and aimlessly into growing your business. Instead, your heart might ask you to find sustainable, step-by-step ways to grow your business.
And yes, I believe your heart plays a big role in business too, not just in life. Good business is not just about following marketing frameworks and formulas, but also about using your inner knowing guidance.
Here are some day to day activities that I found help sharpen your ability to hear your heart:
A daily meditation practice that helps clear and train your mind to remove negative thoughts and to align with your deepest desires.
A healthy lifestyle.
Being in nature (if you live in a city, you can take advantage of your urban parks).
Using your creativity every day, even in the smallest of ways (everyone is creative).
Understanding your “peak” moments.
Your “peak” moments are the times when you are more likely to hear your heart. For many people, these moments are right when they wake up in the morning (because the mind chatter is quieter then), in the middle of the night (because everyone else is quiet then) when they are in nature, when they’re driving, running, walking or doing some mindless activity like cooking a recipe they’ve cooked before.
Still, let’s go a little deeper. You’ve done all these things and sometimes you’re still not sure. How do you distinguish a call from your heart and a call from your ego?
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN COURAGE AND EGO-RAGE
For the purpose of this conversation, let’s refer to the ego as the part of our mind that repetitively feeds us mind chatter rooted in doubt, fear, neediness, blame, victimhood and other emotions that keep us small and powerless.
The thoughts that make up this mind chatter can be subtle or loud. It depends on how desperate the ego is to get our attention. For example, this mind chatter is often loud right before a big event or a big breakthrough. Have you noticed how we sometimes get the most nervous right before getting on a stage, signing a big deal, or other such courageous acts? That is the ego’s last attempt to put a damp on our courage and keep us safe. In these last moments, it has to yell in order to get our attention.
If it was up to our ego, we would avoid change, people and adventure because these things would not be “safe”. We would also avoid sitting quietly with ourselves and sorting out our thoughts, because these things would help us distinguish and diminish our ego’s voice. Instead, our ego would turn the TV on, drag us around town all day and night and ask us to numb ourselves with all sorts of things and activities.
When the ego wants us to take action, we are not acting on courage. We are acting on ego-rage. That is not a real word, I made it up. The ego’s voice sounds harsh, just like rage. The heart’s voice sounds gentle, gracious and loving.
For example, chasing fame comes from ego-rage, because the need for fame is rooted in the fear of not being worthy without other people’s approval. Selling our products in ways that don’t align with our values comes from ego-rage, because we are afraid we might not be able to make money if we are true to ourselves. Working to “beat” our competition comes from ego-rage, because it is an action that demonstrates our belief in scarcity.
On the other hand, seeking to benefit humanity through our work comes from courage. Doing our work in a way that’s aligned with our values, desires and gut instinct comes from courage. Taking action to become a better version of ourselves comes from courage. Doing all of these things graciously, without an expectation to receive rewards comes from courage.
THE RULE OF “WHAT CAME BEFORE”
One way to know the difference between ego-rage and courage is to examine the feelings and thoughts you had before you felt the need or desire to take that action. Were you in the midst of thoughts that didn’t make you feel so good (for example, thoughts that made you feel fear, anger, attack, victimhood, rage, etc.), or were you in the midst of thoughts that made you feel uplifted (for example, you may have felt connection, a desire to contribute, love, enthusiasm, hope, etc.)?
Low flying thoughts lead to actions rooted in ego-rage, while high-flying thoughts lead to actions rooted in courage.
Here’s a practical tip: write down all the actions you feel called to take when you’re in the midst of high-flying thoughts. Call this your “heart journal.” You can assign some pages in the back of your notebook to this list, or simply keep a small separate journal. Later on, look at the list you accumulate this way and remember the joy you felt when these ideas first came to your mind. This list will often help you feel more clarity, more confidence, and more courage.
It’s important to know the difference between courage and ego-rage because once you understand that your desire comes from courage, not fear, you will have more confidence to take action. You will have the confidence that this is the right action for you to take.
Now, I want to speak to you about step #2, the willingness to follow your heart. First, I want to tell you why it’s hard to follow our heart. We hear the heart, but why don’t we always take action? We know it’s our heart’s desire to do something. We know that doing that thing would make us happier. But then, we don’t do it. Why is that?
TRAINED INTO OBEDIENCE
Throughout our history, brave leaders of a new dawn, teachers of love and many who dared to speak up against primitive systems have been punished with death. They were often made to suffer physically in public, so that everyone can learn from their “mistakes.” Think of Jesus, Braveheart and most others who stood for justice and freedom. Spiritual teachings through the ages wanted to show us all that there is no death and that life is eternal. But when people witnessed so much suffering, they naturally become afraid for their lives.
Terrified, in fact.
All this has contributed, little by little, to the belief that if we do act with courage, we will be punished. The fear of suffering as a result of acting with courage has become imprinted in our consciousness and is still there, even in our modern times. We’re afraid of consequences. We’re afraid of being judged. We’re afraid we will make others suffer. We can’t always put our finger on what this fear is and why we have it, but there is a fear that is somehow ingrained in us.
There are many places, institutions and people who teach this obedience curriculum. You might be fortunate to be familiar with modern churches that promote personal power, equality, freedom, growth, and joy. But there are also many church teachings out there that promote suffering, vulnerability and powerlessness.
There are wonderful teachers and schools out there, but there are also schools that teach obedience as rigorously as they teach math and literature. Are you a kid who feels the desire to move their body? Sorry hon, you’ve got to sit still, because that is the rule. Are you a kid not willing to follow the rules because they don’t make sense to you? Don’t worry, by the end of the school year, we will do everything in our power to turn you into somebody who follows the rules without questioning them. Because that’s what we need more of nowadays, people who don’t question what they’re being asked to do.
There are amazing companies out there, but there are also organizations that don’t treat their employees respectfully and that create an environment where people feel scared to speak up, to feel powerful and to work with courage.
The obedience curriculum spans far and deep, and while it may seem like I’m going on a little rant here, that is not my intention at all.
I mention this training into obedience curriculum because I want you to know that the doubt you may feel about moving forward with courage is not something you’re born with. None of us are born with doubt, fear, and hesitation in our minds. In fact, we are all born quite courageous. As babies, we start walking fearlessly and we snatch other kids’ toys shamelessly. As babies, we’re not afraid of consequences or judgment.
Because we’ve been trained into obedience, albeit subtly and unintentionally, the willingness to follow our heart and live with courage often feels like a big, big thing. Something way out of the ordinary. Something scary.
IS COURAGE ABOUT OVERCOMING THE MONSTER OR ABOUT FOLLOWING THE PASSION?
So scary, in fact, that we often talk about courage as if it’s something you need on special occasions, when you fight a monster, not something you need to live a meaningful life.
We associate courage more with the monster that needs to be eliminated, and less with the benevolent, good feeling emotion that calls us forward. As a result, we’ve come to believe that acting with courage is unsafe, and that the inner knowing that wants to guide us is not to be trusted.
If you pay close attention to most conversations about courage nowadays, you will notice that they often revolve around overcoming discomfort or around overcoming something powerfully “bad”. Even the official definition from the Merriam Webster dictionary speaks of this built-in great discomfort:
Courage :: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.
Yes, back in the day you had to pick up your sword and fight with a very low chance of survival. Yes, back then courage may have been about fighting others to death. Yes, back then courage may have been associated with blood, sweat and tears.
But we live in modern times now, don’t we? Why do we keep carrying the same negative connotation with us, like a piece of old baggage that’s long overdue for an upgrade? We are not going to die if we start following our heart a little more each day.
I don’t know about you, but I think it’s time to reframe what courage means. It’s time to put the “coeur” (French for “heart”) back into courage and to talk about courage as it relates to living a good, fulfilling and exciting life. This is the 21st century, after all.
Without further adieu, I present you with Mihaela’s wacky definition:
Courage :: the ability to hear, trust and follow your heart.
WHEN THERE’S NO FEAR, COURAGE IS SIMPLY AN INNER KNOWING
Picture this. It’s a supper like the “last supper” and Jesus has the feeling that he will face a trial the next day. His disciples gather around him and tell him encouraging words. Things like “you can do this!” or “you’ve done it before, we have faith in you wholeheartedly!” or “the world needs you!” He listens and soaks every word in, as his courage grows bigger and bigger and bigger. He now finally feels his courage and is ready for the trial.
Do you think that could have ever happened? Of course not!
Enlightened beings like Jesus didn’t need encouragement. They relied on their ability to stay centered, to keep a clear mind and to remain in the eye of the storm with peace, grace, and faith. They were humans too, like you and me, and they had a human mind too. But they got to the point in their spiritual evolution where they trained their mind and successfully transcended the limitations and distortions deeply buried within.
When you reach that point where there is little or no fear, the concept of courage becomes akin to a simple inner knowing, one which you hear clearly and follow relentlessly. In that place, there is no need for courage because there is no gap, no hesitation between the desire of doing something and the act of doing it.
If we lived every minute of our life from a place of clear and unfaltering alignment with our heart, courage would mean simply dancing through life, following that inner knowing without so much but a flinch. Stepping from synchronicity to synchronicity, with utter trust that this next step is the right step for no other reason other than the fact that it feels like the right step.
Therefore, courage is not something you get the night before a big event. You don’t get courage by listening to a motivational youtube video the day before your big break. Courage is something you cultivate throughout your entire life, through a continuous and daily dedication to learning how to become astute at hearing, trusting and following the inner knowings of your heart.
CULTIVATE THE WILLINGNESS TO FOLLOW YOUR HEART
Courage is like a muscle. The more you practice it, the stronger it gets. The stronger it gets, the more habitual it becomes. The more habitual it becomes, the more you trust following your heart. The more you trust following your heart, the more you practice following it. The more you practice it, the stronger it gets….and so forth.
You might be wondering, what should come first? The trust in your heart or the habit of following your heart? It would be nice to feel unwavering trust first, would it not? However, start where you feel. If taking heart-centered action is easy for you and if it helps you feel the trust, start with the action. Overall, as a society, we’ve become so reliant on the intellectual mind, so dismissive of using our feelings as guidance and so doubtful of following our heart, that it will take some time and practice to start putting our heart in the front seat of our lives, and to start living with courage, every single day. So, be gentle with yourself. Start where you can.
Here’s a small idea. Cultivate the willingness to follow your heart with small callings, every single day. Feeling drawn to that weird looking vegetable at the grocery store? Put it in your cart without overthinking anything. Feel like eating dinner for breakfast? Do it, and don’t overthink it. Feel like reaching out to a random person and saying thank you? Do it, and don’t overthink it. Feel like writing a poem? Do it, and don’t overthink it. Feel like emailing that old friend you haven’t spoken to in 10 years? Do it, and don’t overthink it. No judgment. Is it bad, is it good, is it appropriate, is it crazy? It just is.
What’s the worst that can happen when you follow your heart and live with more courage?
By following the small desires you feel come from your heart, you will create a deeper relationship with your inner guidance. You will learn to distinguish a call that comes from the heart and one that doesn’t. You will grow the confidence to follow your heart even when you don’t understand why you feel drawn towards certain things. You will feel courageous to step into unknown territory.
Courage will become your new healthy habit, your new favorite diet in the 21st century. One day, this life as we know it will end and we will never get it back. When that happens, you’ll be able to look back and say, there were indeed times when I lived with courage.
21 ACTS OF COURAGE
There are so many examples of acts of courage. Acts of courage are subjective because they’re dependent on individual desires. Nonetheless, I want to leave you with some examples of courage (some small and some big):
The courage to go to an art class in the middle of your workday.
The courage to be the candle that lights up in a dark and toxic environment.
The courage to leave the dishes in the sink because you just got an idea you want to write down.
The courage to express yourself exactly as you already are.
The courage to plant vegetables on your front lawn.
The courage to plant flowers in the same row as vegetables.
The courage to throw away memories you don’t want to keep anymore.
The courage to share your work with people you don’t know.
The courage to start a business.
The courage to grow your business.
The courage to say “no” to marketing that makes you feel unfulfilled.
The courage to engage with your local community.
The courage to look people in the eye until they finish their sentence.
The courage to stay silent without giving a rip of what others think.
The courage to write a cookbook for your kids.
The courage to take one month off from work.
The courage to paint your house in a bright, colorful color.
The courage to open up in front of your audience.
The courage to speak up and promote something that calls you.
The courage to become an activist.
The courage to share your feelings with your partner.
...and so many other ways to live with courage.
What’s yours?